My One an Only Time at the Gym

So, I hate the gym.

Not because I don’t like exercising. I hate it because of the people who are always there. (Okay, I kinda hate the options for exercising at the gym, too.) There are three types of people at the gym. The first one is your cheerleader. They think they’re being super helpful by saying things like:

“It’s so good you’re here,” or “you go girl.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love positive people. These people are awesome and positive. But there’s that undercurrent of, “it’s good you’re here because you really need to be.” I understand they mean well but sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. It’s their look that always gets me. It hovers somewhere between staring and gawking. It makes me uncomfortable every damn time.

I want to say, “focus on your own work out, would ya.”

The next type of person at the gym is the regular. They are the ones that give you the look. The one that asks:

“What the hell are you doing here?”

It’s their gym and they don’t want any of us there, taking up their space. I have heard the heavy sighs from these people as they watch me move from bicep curls to tricep extensions. They always have an air about them that I’m in their way. If I’m not in their way, they’re just dying to tell me I’m doing it wrong. Could be both. I’m pretty sure we all took the same gym class in which a gym teacher, wearing another tracksuit with crew socks over his pants, explained how to use each machine with painful precision. (Just me? Okay? No one should wear crew socks over your pants. Just saying…)  

This last group has two types. One is the normal regular who honestly works out for hours everyday. Not sure how they manage this but they are regulars, in every sense of the word. The other is the creeper. They are staring for entirely different reasons.

“Yes, I know my boobs are jiggling. Could you close your mouth please?”

I have bought sports bra after sports bra, they still jiggle. It’s a fact. Shit hurts sometimes. You will not see me running at the gym. First, why run? Ever? I’ve never been in that big of a hurry. Second, getting a boob slap to the face is not pleasant. So, no, I won’t be running, ever.

So, I work out. I just do so in the comfort of my own house or I take long hikes. I love the woods it’s so peaceful. I also love dance parties in my kitchen/living room because if you’re going to exercise you should have fun doing it. I’m not a hamster, I don’t need a “wheel” to get my exercise.

You want me to go to the gym?

Nope, not for me, but do what you gotta do.

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